Building Lasting Love
And this is one of the major areas I believe Astrology can best serve us. I believe Astrology can improve relationships and marriages, possibly even save them.
So as I looked at this months energies and transits, I recalled a lunch I had with an old friend who had been recently through a tough divorce. He was feeling really low because he truly loved his wife and was blind-sided by her desire to leave the marriage. He told me he read a book his therapist had recommended called, “5 Love Languages, The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman. He immediately realized what caused the marriage to fail and said if he had read this book sooner it may have made a difference.
My curiosity was naturally peaked! And I of course wanted to see if I could determine the love language by looking at the Natal chart.
I started by revisiting a blog post I wrote in February for Valentine’s Day called, “How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Look at The Chart” where I offer some possibilities for where to find these insights. And now I am looking again to see if I can further identify and match the appropriate love language through Dr. Chapman’s approach. It’s seems pretty compatible so far.
Dr. Chapman says that psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. No doubt! And through his research he determined there are 5 languages of love or ways we can best have our emotional love tanks filled.
They are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service. I know what your thinking, they are all important. Agreed. But Dr. Chapman says that we each have one that dominates more than the others. And after reading the book I do agree.
We can be bilingual, and considering the key to building lasting love is being able to speak your partners language, speaking more than one is very helpful. Hopefully it’s your partners so you don’t have to learn another one. Because as we know, learning a new language, especially as an adult, is not easy.
Now he also states that there are various dialects of each language that add different nuances to them. And this is where I think Astrology can help.
I realized that my language is Quality Time, but because I am a strong Air person, (4th house Libra Moon/Pluto and Sun/Mercury in Aquarius in the 8th house), the kind of quality time I specifically need is meaningful conversation. I very much appreciate physically being present together and touch along with words of affirmation are also very important, but that emotional connection through deeper sharing of thoughts, ideas, and feelings really fills my tank.
We are complex beings and the way we love and what we require to feel love is built and based on many things. It’s not just about our unique approach to love by nature. It’s also influenced by how we were shown love as children, or not.
And speaking of children, I am reading the book he wrote on the 5 love languages for children as well. And at the heart of it, our children also have a dominant language by nature, but they ultimately speak all of them to various degrees as well. And the note for parents is that they will have much better odds of having success in relationships when they grow up if they learn all of them from a young age.
The interesting thing you might find is that the language you speak may not have been the one spoken to you as a child. So you may have “known” you were loved as a child, but may not have “felt loved” in the way you needed to most for emotional fulfillment. And if you’re lucky the person you meet and fall in love with does speak your language, at least to some healthy degree. But if not this can lead to conflict, misunderstandings, accidental hurt and ultimately an unhappy, out of balance relationship.
So if you feel your relationship isn't as fulfilling as you'd like, or think it could be, perhaps you aren't loving each other in the most needed love language.
My curiosity was naturally peaked! And I of course wanted to see if I could determine the love language by looking at the Natal chart.
I started by revisiting a blog post I wrote in February for Valentine’s Day called, “How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Look at The Chart” where I offer some possibilities for where to find these insights. And now I am looking again to see if I can further identify and match the appropriate love language through Dr. Chapman’s approach. It’s seems pretty compatible so far.
Dr. Chapman says that psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need. No doubt! And through his research he determined there are 5 languages of love or ways we can best have our emotional love tanks filled.
They are: Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service. I know what your thinking, they are all important. Agreed. But Dr. Chapman says that we each have one that dominates more than the others. And after reading the book I do agree.
We can be bilingual, and considering the key to building lasting love is being able to speak your partners language, speaking more than one is very helpful. Hopefully it’s your partners so you don’t have to learn another one. Because as we know, learning a new language, especially as an adult, is not easy.
Now he also states that there are various dialects of each language that add different nuances to them. And this is where I think Astrology can help.
I realized that my language is Quality Time, but because I am a strong Air person, (4th house Libra Moon/Pluto and Sun/Mercury in Aquarius in the 8th house), the kind of quality time I specifically need is meaningful conversation. I very much appreciate physically being present together and touch along with words of affirmation are also very important, but that emotional connection through deeper sharing of thoughts, ideas, and feelings really fills my tank.
We are complex beings and the way we love and what we require to feel love is built and based on many things. It’s not just about our unique approach to love by nature. It’s also influenced by how we were shown love as children, or not.
And speaking of children, I am reading the book he wrote on the 5 love languages for children as well. And at the heart of it, our children also have a dominant language by nature, but they ultimately speak all of them to various degrees as well. And the note for parents is that they will have much better odds of having success in relationships when they grow up if they learn all of them from a young age.
The interesting thing you might find is that the language you speak may not have been the one spoken to you as a child. So you may have “known” you were loved as a child, but may not have “felt loved” in the way you needed to most for emotional fulfillment. And if you’re lucky the person you meet and fall in love with does speak your language, at least to some healthy degree. But if not this can lead to conflict, misunderstandings, accidental hurt and ultimately an unhappy, out of balance relationship.
So if you feel your relationship isn't as fulfilling as you'd like, or think it could be, perhaps you aren't loving each other in the most needed love language.
So contemplate and ask yourself these questions.
Is your Love Tank full?
Do you feel loved by your partner?
Do you know if you are filling your partner’s Love Tank?
Do they feel your love?
Have you built a solid, high quality life of lasting love, joy and success for yourself, your family and those you love most?
And whether you choose to look to the planetary energies or a popular self help book, I think the positive results can be the same. I of course feel confident that the same information can be gleaned from the astrology chart and especially point out our unique dialect. However, this great book can also offer me an new language for translating the astrological insight. So I think it's a win win. Very Venus in Taurus!
Nurturing Astrology, Love + Well Being!
Dominique
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