What I know NOW about LOVE & Marriage!
It's that time again! My husband Dan (a Cancer) and I (an Aquarius) will celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary this Sunday, June 22. I wrote last year about how Astrology assists us in our marriage everyday to navigate life more effectively. If you missed it or would like to recap, please feel free to read last year's post [here]. I went back and read it too and I have to say, I do feel the exact same way about the benefits Astrology brings to our union.
However, because life is a journey and not a destination, and the planets are always moving, I have naturally learned even more about love and marriage over the last year. Astrologically, among many other things obviously, we are both being hit with some powerful transits of change and transformation. My husband is going through a Pluto square transit, which is bringing in career/work issues that are challenging him to transform his own value system. And I have been suffering the challenge of Uranus transiting over my natal Chiron. You can also recap with my Cardinal Cross Confession to get more of a taste of my personal struggle. But in a nutshell, we both have been moving through some personal transformation over the last year. And it's all been individual stuff, not necessarily issues with each other. But that's kind of my point here. Ultimately, it all comes back to YOU! Our partnerships in life are there to support and challenge our personal growth, while validating and encouraging us on our path. And yes we can certainly lean on them, but we can't allow them to become a crutch. And while undergoing my own inner struggles this year and also being there to help my life partner navigate his personal struggles, I've come to a new and profound realization.
When I met and married Daniel and then we built a life, home and family together, I truly felt that I had struck a life lottery because I honestly could never imagine this kind of life for myself. I was and am eternally grateful. And I live in gratitude and service to my life every day, as I'm sure many of us do. But you see, as I reflect, I realize now that, when I found and created the life I have, it came from me first living in a place of complete comfort with who I was at the time and in LOVE with that place. Whatever happened or didn't happen, I knew somehow I would be fine, more than fine actually. I was living with more trust in the divine plan that God and the universe has for me. I wasn't pushing.
But now that I have SO much more than I thought possible, I often feel it's ego to desire anything more for myself and yet I am pushing for it all the time. I'm not trusting as much. And this is nothing that my husband puts on me, I do this all to myself. Somehow, in my efforts to adjust to my new reality of wife, mother and struggling, yet passionate, Astrologer, I have fallen back into a fear that nothing else 'great' will ever happen to me. That perhaps this is my crowning achievement. And yet, as soon as I write that I am mad at myself because I know in my heart that is bullshit and that's not how the universe works. And even if all I did do was continue to build a solid marriage and raise a powerful, purposeful child while enjoying all that comes from that, so what?! Would that be so bad? NO! It wouldn't! And yet, as my realization unfolds more, I see that the real anger is because I'm mad at my own lack of trust in something that has always proven its support for me in the past. This is my personal struggle and my struggle alone, and one that my husband honors with respect and love and more importantly without judgment every day. And this is one of the main reasons I love him so very much!
And for Dan, may Cancer man, he was raised to be the provider. And before he met me and became the provider for our family, he worked hard and had and did everything he wanted no matter the cost. So although he now has "everything he's ever wanted" with me and Joe, and that consumes most of his resources, he struggles to find new ways to give to himself. And I often feel bad about that, so I never deny him any personal pleasure he seeks. And now that the love for his job has waned with all the changes, I feel even worse. He knows it's time for a change and the energies are pushing him toward it, but I don't want to add undue pressure, so I instead try to just support and encourage as he figures it out for himself. I know how he's built, through Astrology and simply as a man, so I never tell him what to do anyway. I let him choose for himself because then he always makes an honest, responsible decision all on his own and in his own time. In the meantime, he has his outlets and loves, and I have mind, that we retreat to while processing our own personal journey 'stuff'.
I can't speak for him, but for me, the on-going Self-discovery process has led me to the place where I realize I am currently struggling to truly trust the universe and practice what I preach. I am a very mental/air person and my mind is constantly analyzing, processing and integrating new information. That's what I do. That's how I evolve. But this can also be my worst enemy as much as my greatest asset. The mind is a terrible thing to waste but only if you don't allow it to limit or destroy you. My husband knows this about me and warns me all the time that I am over-thinking things and I need to just let go and be. And he is right! This is another reason he is in my life and I need him to be. And since he is more of a feeler and a typical man who just pushes down and forward in life, I remind him of the value of talking things out to process his feelings and help him make necessary changes. We often see others clearer than we see ourselves and I believe this is one of the biggest benefits of a marriage and our closes relationships. They are there to influence and guide us. They are the Angels that God and the universe place in our lives to teach us. Daniel and I are partners in life and we deeply love each other, but we are very different people. And we truly love, respect and honor our differences, giving each other the space to do our own growth work. That, to me, is one of the main reasons why our marriage thrives.
So as we both have been dealing with finding balance between our desire to serve our life together and desire for more personal achievements, I am coming to a new place of love and surrender and encouraging him to do the same. Allowing ourselves to enjoy and fully feel at home and in LOVE with where and who we are NOW, as well as being okay with whatever happens or doesn't happen from here, is what will make space for life to really unfold for us individually and as a couple. We know this 'intellectually', for sure, even if the' doing' of it is hard sometimes.
In honor of my true love, my marriage and my very blessed life, I wanted to share my experience and perspective on how Astrology continues to support my personal evolution and my marriage. Daniel and my son Joseph are my heart and my home and I know that the love I receive from them is the example of the very same love I should always be striving to give myself.
My affirmation for this next year and beyond is: I am grateful. I am blessed. I am loved. And I have all that I will ever need on the inside and on the outside. Thank you! I love you!
Thanks for taking the time to read my personal story on Living Astrology from the inside out! I hope it can support and inspire you in some way to find more LOVE in the NOW of your own marriage, relationships and lives.