Sometimes I can’t help…MYSELF

Recently I have been feeling a bit sad, emotional and challenged. Some of the harsh realities of motherhood have been heavy on my mind and heart. And as I felt compelled today to understand and even write about how I have been doing emotionally I couldn't help but looked to my favorite tool of Astrology.

When seeking insight into issues around our emotions and also motherhood we look to the Moon. And as I looked at the Moon cycle and the other current transiting planets I was comforted because everything was confirmed for me, as usual. Here are some key points I found:
  

 1.    Today, the day I began writing this post, the Moon, which rules emotions and motherhood, was on my Natal Moon in Libra in its natural 4th house of home and family. This may well be the reason I felt a need to share myself from this perspective with others. 

2.    The recent New Moon in Cancer landed in my 1st house of “who am I?” and Cancer rules the Moon.

3.    The current Mercury retrograde is moving through my second house of self-worth and opposing my Natal Mercury in Aquarius. So you might say, I am rethinking my abilities and feelings about how good I am really doing as a mom.

4.    The current transiting Uranus/Pluto square is creating what’s called a T-square to my Natal Moon and this would be the indicator of those harsh realities and the forced challenge to deal with them.  

5.    My son Joseph is deep into his first Mars cycle and testing his independence and authority constantly by picking and choosing when he wants to listen to me and finding humor in my efforts to discipline him.

Needless to say, I have not been feeling very secure or confident as a mommy. And even with this amazing understanding and the knowing that it is all a necessary part of the growth for both me and my son...sometimes I just can’t help myself.

I can’t help how I feel. I can’t help my need to analyze how I feel. And I can’t help my need to prove Astrology as a tool for personal growth and understanding. And if I can’t help myself by what I learn and teach, then what good is it all anyway?

So here is what I know. Being a more mentally driven person I can’t help but analyze, and try to logically deal with situations with what I know intellectually. My Air signs, which rule this mental approach, are in the water houses of Cancer and Scorpio so I am always intensely ‘thinking’ about how I feel. It’s a challenge for me naturally to just feel and not try to understand the why of it.

My son, on the other hand, has an overwhelming amount of Pisces energy so for him it is all about feeling. He doesn’t have much Air in his natal chart. So my logical approach needs to be to throw logic out the window. I will need to teach him the value of using it in time, but for now I realize he is teaching me the value of just going with what you feel (period). Whatever the outcome, it won’t be the end of the world. It will be just another learning experience. And that I can get behind.  

At the same time this is a crucial point in his Mars cycle for both of us. He needs to understand that mommy and daddy are boss or we will lose all control and end up with a very ‘terrible two’ cycle. Although there is an individual nature we are dealing with Astrologically, Joseph is still a child and it’s every child’s instinct to challenge as a form of learning for themselves. So I have the Astrological knowledge of his emotional nature, the understanding of the basic developmental phase all children go through and I know myself.

Rolling this all together you get a complex situation that calls for surrender, acceptance, love and humor. The challenge is to walk through every moment of every day with all of this awareness and at the same time not take it all too seriously. Do the best you can to not react impulsively, accept each situation that presents itself and deal with it from a place of love and with a little humor.

This was all magnified to me with an incident that happened the other night. We had just finished a fun bath, got all lotioned up and in our comfy PJ’s. I was preparing the bottle for our bedtime routine of bottle, story time and sleep and I last saw him sitting in the rocking chair waiting for me. Not 30 seconds later I heard a huge splash and I realized Joseph was in the bathroom. I walked in to fine him in the tub, which had not drained, fully clothed, his books floating by and looking up at me with a grin that said, “What? Did I do something bad?”

I reacted immediately. My first instinct was to laugh, but then I was totally pissed. I couldn’t believe that my 16 month old son didn’t understand that this wasn’t a smart thing to do. I know, absurd. I was actually pissed at myself. I was pissed that I didn’t make sure the tub was drained before we left the bathroom, that I didn’t close the door behind me like I know I should, that he had made a mess of himself after I had so enjoyed getting him all cute and ready for bed, and that he ruined his favorite book and the new one I had just bought him. And mostly I was pissed that I reacted so quickly and so badly. Clearly this wasn’t about him at all and I should not have taken my frustrations out on him. Not that I could stay mad at that face very long anyway. But instead perhaps I should have gone with my first instinct to laugh and then take the opportunity to just show him the consequences of his actions. “You get all wet in your clothes; you ruin your books and now you can’t have story time.” None of which are the end of the world. He has a ton of clothes, other books, these books will dry and everyone will live.

So what’s the moral of my story? What have I learned? What am I trying to teach?

That you can take in all the information, insight, and guidance from the universe or anything else you want, and from an Astrology standpoint, whether the energy of the planets are challenging you or supporting you; at the end of the day, you still have to deal with YOU! I’m a firm believer in the value of “know thy Self”, but I also recognize that we are all human. And it is human to make mistakes even when we know better. So, on the sometime too serious journey of Self discovery, maybe you should (I should) give yourself a break, jump in the water fully clothed and laugh about it.